Friday, April 29, 2016

I don't want to write, I want to live (January 2016)

This is an original post written in January of this year...left un-posted because I was too humiliated by our situation.  My latest career flop has led me to believe there is no such thing as failure anymore. Only doing.  Some things work out, some things don't.  
And this is MY journey, so we will cover them all.

(January 2016) Life is a fucking shit hole these days. You want a nicer description, go watch a Disney movie.  I am all out of sugar coated lies today.

We actually hit rock bottom, with a whopping $100ish in the bank. No big deal until you remember we are parents to a 3 year old and almost 1 year old. The stress is unbearable. Jobs on the horizon, but rejections pouring in. So we keep pushing. The hubs is back working elsewhere in addition to his solo route, and we are quite literally living on a prayer, except we don't believe in prayer. 
Let me tell ya, I wish to fuck we did, because this sucks.

Kids at least are on Medicaid and WIC. 
It makes me want to hurl. 
How did two highly educated, hard working people like us end up here?
News flash: It did not take much.

Promises of employment. Promises of real jobs post-graduation. 
Take what you can get they said. 
Move wherever. 
They neglected to mention that you won't be adequately compensated for your degree. 
That jobs won't exist for your spouse. 
Enough spending to try and make it work and then we bailed, too soon. 
So here we sit. 
Fucking poor. 
And that is quite humbling. 
It doesn't matter how smart you are, or what your degree is...it's a shit show out there. 
And all that matters is how well you can sell yourself these days.

Everyone says we will catch a break. 
Great. 
When?