The days come and go. Some are sweeter than honey, and you swim bravely through, soaking up the joy, embracing the hardships. Then an upset. You put one too many things on your own plate. Maybe you don't even do it, maybe life happens in overdrive all at once...and the overwhelming sets in. Except you don't know how to process overwhelming. There is no enticing liquid courage to help you brave it or ride it out. It just is. The glaring and daunting truth of life. You stand, shoulders squared, face to face against it. You hold strong, until you don't. You crumble under the weight. You failed. Maybe you didn't get that drink, but you feel like you shattered. The tears and feeling of failure simply won't dissipate.
Why? What did you do wrong? You worked SO hard. You had it.
Or did you?
You worked SO HARD...ALONE. You think you always work so well alone. It's how you do all the things in life. You don't need help. You are strong and capable. Asking for help, having a limit, these are signs of weakness.
You MUST do it on your own.
Except you cannot.
No one can.
A hand reaches out. And another. The universe shines down on you like a supernova exploding. You are blinded by the many people trying to break through the dark void you surround yourself with in your attempt to do it all alone. Maybe, just maybe, you should listen. Maybe it's not all about not taking a drink. Maybe it really is more than that. After all, does anyone really do it ALL ALONE?
You reach tentatively Slowly. You are scared. What if they don't really want to help? What if there are conditions? Stipulations? You can't take the disappointment. So you pull back. But they keep coming. Keep pushing.
You break again under the weight of the shit you put on yourself.
Alone isn't working.
You reach out again and grab hold. Tightly.
You hope it's not too tight, but you know that you don't want to drown.
You hope with the fierceness of the blue scarred hope permanently etched on your arm.
Hope is not without bumps and bruises.
It is simply a choice.
And now you choose faith.
Faith that others will remain steadfast in their strength, so you may once again find your own.
It is here, swaddled in connection, that you finally see.
There is no such thing as alone.
It was a figment of your imagination, a creation you held on to because of fear.
You can still be afraid. You just cannot let it master you anymore.
Connection will win.
You will persevere.
Love to you.
Strength for you.
Tomorrow is a new day.