Saturday, May 23, 2015

Bad days happen

Today was a hard day. As a parent, as a spouse, as an adult. It sucked. I was pooped on, literally gushing onto my hands in my lap and onto the couch. I've been tending a sick baby for days now. Oh and now the toddler is feverish. Today was hard.

What's worse is that it started out hard because it was a bad day for me. I woke up a wreck. My mental well being warped. It was a rough morning that turned into a difficult day spotted with moments of pure awesomeness. How I wish I could focus on those moments and not relive all of the bad ones over and over and over.

Just don't dwell on them and you won't feel so bad.
We all have those days, it's ok.
If you would only stop being so negative you would feel better.

Sound familiar?

Well I say to hell with that.
It's ok to not be ok. More importantly it is ok to have a bad day.

They don't know, they have no clue. How could they? You want mindreaders? Go find a circus. This is reality. Unless they have lived it, felt it, survived it...they don't know. I don't really think I can ever come to terms with this. How can people not know what it is to have depression? How can they not understand the inability to control your emotional and psychological interpretations of every minute detail?

But they can't.
Not because they don't love you, not because they don't want to.
It is simply impossible unless you have been in that dark place. Pushed by feelings that impose upon those blissful moments.

Maybe that is why I am writing this. Because you need to know that not everyone will be able to understand or offer support. Of course they care. That's not what you need though.
I know.
I am living it with you.
It's ok if today is a bad day.
Tomorrow might be better, or not.
But you keep going, keep moving.
Or in my case, you keep running.

So cry with me. Scream if you must.
It's fucking hard to live like this.
Ask for a hug.
Ask for someone to hold your hand.
I promise you they don't need to understand to be able to do that for you. They are human.
And hey, you are only human too.

At least we survived the bad day.

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